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Do you recall when you were so passionate about something that it would keep you awake and it’s also the first thing you think about when you woke up? You would ponder the ins and outs when you are brushing your teeth, commuting to work, and even cooking. You sit by yourself during lunch thinking how yo u can improve the situation. You search endlessly through different websites and Amazon.com for books to read.
What is that something you were passionate about? If your answer is finding a significant other, it’s better to rethink if you are ready for a relationship.
I’ve noticed that if the majority of your day is spent is spent thinking about finding a partner, you tend to stray away from logic and make irrational decisions. Perfect storm to get into a relationship that turns into a disaster. This happened to me during my first relationship.
Evie was a new girl in town. I didn’t know about her much but all I knew was she was shy and had long luscious brown hair. Being at a small private school, it didn’t take long to begin chatting with her. Days and weeks went by and we began to spend more time with each other. My heart pounded every time I saw her as the hoped of finding my first girlfriend was becoming a reality. I began looking forward to school and looked forward to the classes we had together, breaks in between, and after school opportunities to hang out.
Then it finally happened. It was Fall Camp (yeah.. we didn’t have Summer camp) and I asked her out. She said yes! I was so ecstatic and excited about having my first girlfriend! I still have a picture taken on the same evening after I asked her out and I was smiles from cheek to cheek.
After a short 2-3 months. We spent hours on the phone, countless weeknights and weekends were spent together. Then it finally happened, the honeymoon period faded. I soon realized something that would change my entire perception of relationships. I was in love with the idea of being in a relationship not so much with the person. Being in the relationship was my ultimate goal and Evie was just my means to an end. I was soon able to articulate that this relationship wasn’t going to last.
In my 20’s I had another episode where I adored the fact of being in a relationship. It may be because I moved to Los Angeles. It happened again. I thought I was ready for a relationship. I had a job, bought a new car, spent numerous hours volunteering. One thing was missing in my life and that was a nice lady. It wasn’t hard to find someone to be interested in. The courting began and so did the awkwardness. Soon, we both realize we were better off as friends.
These lessons taught me something important. If your passion is to find a partner in life, you are most likely to fail as I did. You are likely to fall in love with the idea of being in love.
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