Online Dating Advice: Controlling your tongue


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We all have this thought when we are on a first date – am I babbling too much? It isn’t a bad thing when you feel a click and the connection allows you to feel comfortable and want to share about yourself. But how much is too much? How about the opposite? What do you do in the situation where your date is a blabber-mouth and they just won’t stop talking about themselves? They get so caught up that they do not realize they have completely taken over like an anxious college graduate fresh on the market really excited about the job prospect. This is especially true if the date has been single for a long time or they do not have much companionship outside of their work or family.

If you know you are tend to ramble, keep a tab on yourself to ensure you don’t hijack the date and make it a love fest for yourself. Know what you will share and when you will stop to give the opportunity for your date to share about themselves. Ensure you put checkpoints on yourself and ask questions for your date to answer. The questions can be thoughtful and can be around topics which are you interesting in.

When you do ask questions, don’t ask questions that are too probing or invading their privacy. Just because you are willing to share your inner thoughts and make yourself vulnerable doesn’t mean they are ready to match you right away. Some things that are a big no no are their sex life, how many partners have they had, when was the last time they had sex, how close did they get to getting married, were they ever engaged, and you get the idea. Some good questions you can ask are who are their role models or biggest influence, what kind of things do they enjoy, what makes them laugh, where would they like to visit, things on their bucket list, movies and music that they like. It’s probably best not to discuss politics or religion. If religion was important and the online dating sites did their jobs, they would’ve matched you properly and you would’ve checked this long ago.

If you are on the more quiet type and have a hard time speaking out, try these tips. Listen to your date and find queues where you can chime in or share about yourself. You can find a great opportunity to inject your own experience. Ask right questions to steer them from going on and on about themselves. Talk about something you are expert on.

Bottom line, if you feel on either side of the extreme spectrum of being a talker or a listener on several dates, perhaps this relationship isn’t going to work and something just isn’t clicking. Communication is the key to any relationship and not having a healthy communicable relationship is usually not good.