Online Dating Advice: Controlling your tongue

We all have this thought when we are on a first date – am I babbling too much? It isn’t a bad thing when you feel a click and the connection allows you to feel comfortable and want to share about yourself. But how much is too much? How about the opposite? What do you do in the situation where your date is a blabber-mouth and they just won’t stop talking about themselves? They get so caught up that they do not realize they have completely taken over like an anxious college graduate fresh on the market really excited about the job prospect. This is especially true if the date has been single for a long time or they do not have much companionship outside of their work or family.

If you know you are tend to ramble, keep a tab on yourself to ensure you don’t hijack the date and make it a love fest for yourself. Know what you will share and when you will stop to give the opportunity for your date to share about themselves. Ensure you put checkpoints on yourself and ask questions for your date to answer. The questions can be thoughtful and can be around topics which are you interesting in.

When you do ask questions, don’t ask questions that are too probing or invading their privacy. Just because you are willing to share your inner thoughts and make yourself vulnerable doesn’t mean they are ready to match you right away. Some things that are a big no no are their sex life, how many partners have they had, when was the last time they had sex, how close did they get to getting married, were they ever engaged, and you get the idea. Some good questions you can ask are who are their role models or biggest influence, what kind of things do they enjoy, what makes them laugh, where would they like to visit, things on their bucket list, movies and music that they like. It’s probably best not to discuss politics or religion. If religion was important and the online dating sites did their jobs, they would’ve matched you properly and you would’ve checked this long ago.

If you are on the more quiet type and have a hard time speaking out, try these tips. Listen to your date and find queues where you can chime in or share about yourself. You can find a great opportunity to inject your own experience. Ask right questions to steer them from going on and on about themselves. Talk about something you are expert on.

Bottom line, if you feel on either side of the extreme spectrum of being a talker or a listener on several dates, perhaps this relationship isn’t going to work and something just isn’t clicking. Communication is the key to any relationship and not having a healthy communicable relationship is usually not good.

 

Online Dating – First Date

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Ok we get it. You like the Lakers. You bleed purple and gold. You know every players on the Lakers AND the opposing team’s stats. WE GET IT. We like sports too and some of us actually know the rules and may be fans as well. But for the first date, the last thing I want is for you to scream out of the top of your lungs and your eyes glued to the 55″ over the bartender.

Think about it. This is our first date and all we talk about is sexy athletes sweating their lights out panting all night long. See the picture? You shouldn’t remind us of who you are not. It’s the first date, eyes on us. This should automatically cross out movies also. If I want to watch a movie by myself, I would Redbox a movie. I want to get to know you and whats in that noggin to see if this is worth pursuing and if this online dating membership is worth renewing or not. Here are some tips from a lady to guys on what you should do on a first date.

1) Be assertive. Ladies hate it when you constantly ask “what do you want to do?”. Show some assertiveness. By now, you should know enough about us to know what we like. If you are not naturally assertive, do some homework to show you made an effort in researching a place we both can enjoy.

2) Get off your phone! Microsoft’s recent commercial on their Windows Mobile is spot on. You know, the one where there is a hot woman in lingerie but the guy has his eyes fixated on his phone? Seriously, which do you want to turn off? Us or your phone? You choose.

3) Set the length of the date. Prior to the date, tell us when you will send us home. There is no need to drag the date longer than it needs to. Setting how long the date will be will allow us to dress appropriately. Don’t surprise us by taking us to your favorite go cart joint.

4) Chill. Trust me, we don’t bite (at least most of us don’t). We’re in for the same thing. We both want to see if we are compatible. I don’t want to take 3 dates or more to get you to relax. Don’t feel pressured to be your best. Just be yourself.

5) Plan on how to end the date. Don’t plan on kissing us good bye before meeting us. Go with the flow. If we want a good night kiss, we’ll let you know. Don’t pressure us for the 2nd date or when to call us. Let us digest the date and we’ll go from there.